The Girlfriend

I am teaching an English Spring Camp. There is me and then there are four other volunteers. We have thirty students, and I am responsible for teaching the intermediate students. So far, the lessons have gone well. Teaching lessons is the easy part for me. It is during free time that difficulties arise. The students want to know so much about us and our country. One day, after lunch, I sat down by myself, and three young boys came up to me.

"Teacher, are you married?"
Can't tell them I'm engaged, I thought, Mustn't tell them.
"No, I'm not married."
"But do you have a girlfriend?" One of the boys asked.
"No," I said.
"Why?" The boys get quiet and lean forward.

In Morocco, it is difficult for young boys to understand how an older man cannot have a girlfriend. Quite frankly, before this relationship, I had resigned myself to live by myself for the rest of my life. Now, I am in one, and that thought brings me more happiness in my life than I have ever had before. I hate not being able to talk about my relationship, but that's how things are.

"Sometimes," I began, "There are people who feel called to go into the world and help others. I am busy spending time with all of you. I have no need for a girlfriend right now."

The boys look to each other.

"Have you ever had a girlfriend?" One of the boys asked.
"One, a long time ago."

I stood up, said goodbye, and left. I walked across the courtyard while the wind blew at my face. Did you really have to make up a part about a girlfriend? You could have talked to them about not needing anyone in your life. Then I thought about my relationship. What would I really be doing had I not entered this relationship?

I used to imagine serving in the Peace Corps and then moving East, to an Asian country, to spend my days in a monastery. I like how Buddhist monasteries are able to make their monks and nuns look similar just by shaving their heads. It is as though they are able to almost eliminate their gender altogether. The thought of not having to worry about gender roles or people thinking of me as a 'man' or a 'woman' is refreshing to me. Now, I thought of my relationship and realize exactly what I would have had to give up to do that. As each day goes by, the thought is only reinforced that I want only this life.