The Lessons Learned

I am about to be on my way to Rabat. I will be back in America by the end of this week. I have reached the end of my service in what is known as ‘medical separation’. This pains me because I just started English classes and the association I helped start is just getting off of the ground, but it is necessary for my health. I remember, when I first arrived, that I would write my blog as a series of lessons. Though they aren’t fully lain out that way, I was able to cull a series of lessons from them, which I will share with you, dear reader. They aren’t in any order of importance.

Lesson 1: Do not be afraid to ask questions. Asking questions is how we learn about things. It does not make us stupid; it makes us curious. We have been taught to be self reliant, but this is a lie; everything is interdependent; everything relies on one another. The best thing to do in order to relieve ourselves of doubt is to be willing to ask question.

Lesson 2: Do not be afraid to answer questions. One of the kindest things you can do to help someone is to open their eyes to knowledge. If many people ask you many questions, it can get tiresome, but understand that they ask you the question for a reason. On the flip side, do not be afraid to say ‘I don’t know’ if you do not know the answer. To pretend you know the answer is even worse than lying, because then it becomes a lie that you believe, as well.

Lesson 3: Just because someone gives you an answer you do not like does not mean they did not understand the question. I wrote about this in March of 2010. So many people in life assume that the things they believe are automatically correct. Therefore, when they ask a question of someone, they tend to expect a certain answer. When someone with a different worldview does not give the expected answer, the asker is upset. Learn how to learn answers.

Lesson 4: Words are powerful. I remember writing about the power of words in April of 2010. During the election of 2008, people threw around the word ‘madrasa’ to describe Obama in an attempt to paint him as un-American. This is a tool that people use to keep us fighting one another, to make us sound foreign to one another. The truth is that we all share the same values deep down; we simply use different sounds. These values may sound different when we use the sounds of our mouths, but if we listen to the sounds of our heart, we will see that they all sound the same.

Lesson 5: In May of 2010, I wrote of how we are more powerful than we think. A few years ago, I had never left my hometown, with the exception of vacations with family and the occasional trip with friends to New Orleans. It was not expected for me to last this long here, but I did, and I have created wonderful things here, and have witnessed Moroccans create wonderful things here, too. On the flipside, it is important to understand that even though we are more powerful than we think, we do have limitations. Events have become stressful for me, to the point where I am not effective as a volunteer. Rather than let pride force me to stay, and not provide the best that I can, I am left to admit that I have reached the end. There is nothing wrong with this.

Lesson 6: The more we speak, the more likely we are to start saying things we will regret. It is strange how easily that right speech is undermined by idle chatter, gossip, and complaining. It is important to understand and control what you say, even if that means remaining silent most of the time. To speak only when necessary is itself necessary in order to reduce the likelihood of negative speech.

Lesson 7: I spoke in May and June of 2010 about my first bus experience with another volunteer. I was charged for her seat, too, because the bus driver assumed that we were married and I was paying for both of us. I did not understand the language, and so I assumed that he was just trying to rip off the foreigner. I have learned since then that people are not like that. People in the world are inherently good, and rather than assume the worst in everybody, it is far better to assume trust, and only be proven wrong. This allows your heart to be more open.

Lesson 8: There is a difference between being alone and loneliness. most people tend to confuse being alone with loneliness. Loneliness comes from not wanting to be alone. Aloneness, on the other hand, is merely the pleasure one takes when one knows oneself. One is able to plumb the depths of one's own consciousness and being and see within themselves the attributes of infinite numbers of people.

Lesson 9: Bureaucracy sucks. However, it is necessary. I know that when I return, I will have to get my license renewed, but after living in Morocco, where it took me two weeks to get signatures and stamps back in October 2010, I think I can manage a Florida DMV.

Lesson 10: I know that, sometimes, we want so much to believe that the bad events we witness - wars, violence, inequity, injustice, propaganda - are the result of some conspiracy, and that there are people who are all good and people who are all bad. But the truth of the matter is that we are all heavenly bodies, drifting and drifting and drifting in an almost infinite sea of emptiness. Every interaction is a glorious burst of light in that blackness, even if our limited consciousness cannot comprehend it that way. Every event, every moment, every interaction, regardless of whether or not we want to believe it is good or bad, is simply that - the collision of heavenly bodies. This is the truth that I have learned, and with all of my heart and all of my being, I don't think that truth is something that I can ever let go of, or that can never let go of me.

Lesson 11: Princess Valencia Carmina is a perfectly legitimate name for a camel. Likewise, Queen Elizabeth Montanegro is also a perfectly legitimate name for a gecko that climbs into your apartment every night and likes to climb in your hair, and Oh-My-F*%king-God-It’s-Going-To-Kill-Me is a perfectly legitimate name for a camel spider the size of your hand that makes you shriek and run out of your bedroom and keeps you awake until 4:00 AM because you’re too scared to walk past it in order to get into your bed.

Lesson 12: In January of 2011, during a New Year’s in the desert, I said, “During the day, we have the illusion of a blue covering above us. We have the same thing on a cloudy night. But on nights like this, we have no protection from it. The infiniteness of it all. When we can’t see it, then we can pretend that all of our little fights that we have over religion, race, sexuality actually mean something. But now, looking out at these things, these lights, and knowing that it is so great a distance that it would be impossible to reach them, nobody can help but realize just how petty and stupid all of those fights are. But the funny thing is that even though mankind has been able to look up and see all of this, they continue to do it.” What I want to say is that our differences are pettier than we think.

Lesson 13: ‘Success’ is a very loaded term. We think of success in monetary values and in figures and facts. The truth is, success is mainly ineffable and experiential. I have learned that such little things can be successes: picking olives with your village all day, climbing a treacherous mountain to go to a wedding, discussing Buddhism to a Muslim, traveling from town to town working at festivals, and eating a lunch a Moroccan has provided, even if you aren’t hungry. These are all successes in their own way. They opened me up to new experiences. The same can happen anywhere. Go sing karaoke, go backpacking, take up a hobby you were interested in but never had the time. Any attempt is a success.

Lesson 14: The Ayacana Sutra is the story of the Buddha being requested to teach. The analogy of the lotus was used. We are each both the Buddha and the lotus. We all have something to teach the world, just like the Buddha. Likewise, we need to wait until we are ready to teach, like the lotus that has arisen out of the pond and opened its petals. Take a deep breath, you have time. Don’t worry.

Lesson 15: Facebook is going to become a necessary evil. Everyone is on Facebook, and without a Facebook, I will not be able to communicate with people in the future. Employers are looking more and more at Facebook accounts, so I will need one, of a Linkedin account, or whatever the devil they call it is nowadays. However, since this is now necessary, you may as well learn how to control yourself when expressing yourself. The internet’s memory is very long, as is our regret at an unwise action.

Lesson 16: The ability to express oneself should be sacrosanct. In June of 2011, I wrote of individuality, and I have to admit that the ability to be myself and be understood has been a source of stress for a while. I am an individual, a unique one, at that. I have learned that I value that ability very highly, much more so than I did before I left.

Lesson 17: I cannot comprehend how people can expose themselves to only one point of view and then claim that as ultimate truth. I cannot understand the so-called "Real American" who never leaves their hometown and waves little plastic flags made in China at Independence Day parades, without even questioning what their responsibilities are to continue to contribute to the ideals of equality, justice, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Lesson 18: Freedom is the ability to control one's own destiny, without barriers placed by a foreign entity. I have learned that everything and everyone that I have been taught was a foreign entity is, in fact, simply a potential extension of who I am. Even my ego is a foreign entity, and beneath all of my so-called personality is an emptiness.

Lesson 19: After my trip to America in August, I have learned to always have a backup plan. This reduces stress, and the likelihood that you will end up vomiting on a train at 9:00 PM in Marrakech. This also reduces stress when you call your mother from a payphone in Los Angeles telling her that you won’t make it home, only to have the phone cut off mid sentence.

Lesson 20: You cannot save everyone. You cannot help everyone. You cannot force help on people who don’t want it, and it is arrogant to believe that simply because some people in the world do not live like Americans, then they must be miserable and in need of our help. People are generally happy in their lives, and the amount of material things that they have plays no part in that. In truth, it is those who have many things that can sometimes be the most miserable. Like the Buddha and the lotus, you teach when you are ready, and others learn when they are ready.

Lesson 21: It is all right to know when to quit. It is wise to learn when your journey has reached the end. I have learned that lesson, painfully, by trying to force myself to deal with my emotions on my own and letting my pride get in the way of my health.

Lesson 22: This one,perhaps, is the most important lesson that I have learned. Without it, none of the other lessons are able to be learned. The final lesson is this:

Know yourself. Because if you don’t know yourself, then how can you be yourself? If you don’t know yourself, then how can you love yourself?

So that’s it. Twenty months, twenty-two lessons learned. I think that’s good enough. “me graves in morocco” is reaching its conclusion. I believe it is a good one, and one that I will always look back on with an overall sense of happiness. There may be an epilogue when I return; we will see. I have missed my family, and I have missed life in America. I have missed being able to fully be myself. But I would never change anything, I especially will never forget nor regret the time spent here. So, I wish you peace, love, and all of that, but I just need to remember to offer a little of that to myself, sometimes.

Love,
me graves