1. Declaration
Sunrise. Shadows are dissolved by the light.
Colors seep back into the valley, just
like paint on a blank canvas. A living
canvas, this pastoral, evoking peace.
And I am buried beneath it; a kind
of death, I suppose. Like shadows, the way
they all simply disappear when the real
world reemerges from its sleep. Each one,
each shadow, retreats into Earth’s loving
embrace. Darkness, it seems, can never last.
But light does not seem to be eternal,
either. How do you want me to answer?
Is there a question that I must answer?
Is the answer related to the light?
Is this the same light that came from the last
night, and the night before that? I have just
one question. If I can have just this one,
I will agree to become the living
embodiment of your truth, the same way
water will reflect all things, when at peace.
Like sky over ocean, an eternal
reflection of each other, in loving
union. The truth we share will be that kind.
The question: how do I know which is real?
2. Prayer
After the bombings, I was told that real
Muslims know fighting is not the answer.
“My Lord is Most Merciful, Most Loving.
It is man who turns away from the light.
Even the word Islam translates to peace.”
I nodded, looked to the sky, to the last
of the evening light. I have been living
here for over a year, and I think, just
as when I first arrived, people are kind.
All people can be kind. This eternal
truth - that when people see themselves as one,
they know that they can act no other way
than with loving kindness - it is that way.
“Prayer," he said, “Is how to join the real
light of God. To join in that eternal
bond.” Then, as if to serve as an answer,
A child gives money to a beggar. Just
a dirham, but still an act of loving
kindness. Today, it is nearing the last
days of spring. The summer will bring the light
of longer days. I watch as, one by one,
children riffle through the various kinds
of ice cream. They will only be at peace
once they find what it is that they want. Living
here, I see it is the same as living
in the US. One child stands in a way
that says my father doesn’t have that kind
of money to buy ice cream, but the real
parallel appears when she holds the light
ice cream. Her friend sees, and the eternal
reaction she makes is one of loving -
she pays for it. The girls smile. This answer
to a question that finally brings peace -
all acts of kindness are prayers. Each one
is a desire to see each other just
as we desire to see God. Joined, at last.
3. Alms
And the first of them will say to the last,
“Because you did not care for the living,
you will endure punishment.” There is one
man who sits in the same place on the way
to souk and asks for money. The answer
I always hear is “May Allah be kind.”
Everywhere I turn is an eternal
line of beggars. I know that they are real
people. (At least, I act as though I just
treat them like they are real.) It gives me peace -
the thought of them is too heavy. A light
heart is needed to continue loving
life, and a loving God in a loving
world would not allow injustice to last.
But still, at times, between moments of peace,
I see them in my mind. Countless living
people, lying in dirt. This is the real
world, the world that I have allowed. This one
world is made by us all. This is the kind
of world that we want, and in this way,
we say, “Poverty is how we see light
in ourselves. With no possessions, we just
have ourselves and Allah.” As I answer
the beggar, I accept this as eternal,
For how can I support this eternal
line of people suffering? What loving
can I commit to them all without just
raising my arms in defeat - in one last
show of forfeiture? I know of no way
to remedy their problems and bring peace.
Sometimes, I feel I can’t bring even one
instant of hope to those who are living
in this world. My thoughts become an answer
to those unable to see that the light
within all of them is still just as real
as the light in us. May Allah be kind.
4. Fasting
It is the leaving behind of these kind
of things so that, once we reach eternal
life, we are prepared to embrace the light.
The things that we believe we are loving
today - fine clothes, physical things, living
in comfort and without want - these are just
distractions from attaining lasting peace.
Because God is both the first and the last,
all else are simply shrouds that hide the real
nature of things. We attach an answer
to them, not knowing they are in the way
of the answer. All things are part of one
existence - God’s. Upon learning this, one
finds it is easy to give up the kind
of things that others think are the answer
to their problems. One sees the eternal.
Seeing that nothing of this world will last,
one gives up these things and chooses the light,
instead. We learn how to love others just
as God does. It is a kind of loving
insofar as they are nothing, the way
one loves the refraction of light from real
jewels. The complete spectrum of living
is within it, and to know it brings peace.
5. Pilgrimage
“You must accept the religion of peace
before you learn the details,” is what one
man said to me while riding to Fes. “Real
faith comes before you know something.” That kind
of belief seemed impossible. Loving
the knowledge that I can know the answer
for questions is needed, for me, as light
is needed by life. And for eternal
questions related to ways of living?
I could not even understand the way
that mindset works. But then, during a last
call to prayer, I lost consciousness just
before dawn. I dreamed that I was standing just
before a black stone. I remembered peace,
watched white sails as they would float on the way,
surround the blackness, and were absorbed, one
by one, into the black, the eternal
hole that was once just a stone. Which was real,
I thought, and how can I know the answer?
I awoke to see light. It was the kind
of brightened light that takes place at dusk’s last
moment, meaning the dream I was living
had lasted but a moment. But, loving
that moment, when black joined white, dark and light
were joined in loving embrace, and the light
and all things, just as they were, were at peace.
At last, I thought, I could see those living
that way. It was never about the one
right answer, but the right kind of question,
whose real answer lies in eternal black.
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